To the poster of “suicidal ideation”
I was there. Always down, always sad, always hopeless, depressed. I too was taking antidepressants. Unfortunately, while making me feel somewhat “better” they also turned me into a total a******. Flying off the handle at the slightest provocation. Thing was, I too had no reason to feel the way I felt. I had it all, great kids, a great home, a business, no significant financial woes good family, good friends.
Yet I was miserable.
But I had a friend that I used to attend NA meetings with on occasion. I had never had a drug or alcohol problem, but she was a recovering addict. One of the simple questions that was asked of people that felt as though they were victims, were chronically depressed and feeling hopeless was simply: “How’s that working for ya?”. I remember the moment that phrase entered my head while I was sitting on the couch alone and half asleep. Almost like a voice. It immediately stood me up off the couch with the realization that the way I felt was my own fault. I was doing this to myself. I don’t know how or why, but very immediately there was a change in my attitude. I got rid of the of the ant-depressants stood straight and it literally never bothered me again. I know that sounds simplistic and maybe even silly. But think about it. It’s hard to blame ourselves for what we’re doing to ourselves. It’s like we revel in our own agony. And to admit that is to take away our excuse to be that victim. To face the truth that it’s no one’s fault but our own. But it was my answer. I had literally convinced myself that I was depressed. I also have a friend who recently committed suicide. This was a gem of a person. He really was a good guy. Probably the best friend I ever had. I have a hard time understanding why he did that. And the pain to his children, to his wife, even to his grandchildren and friends is certainly nothing any of them deserved. I’m sure, knowing him, that if he would have somehow been able to see the pain that his action would cause, he would have definitely rethought it.
Stand up. Be strong. There is an end to this that will come naturally. Find some faith. This life does not last that long.