When i was younger i watched cp, and at the time i enjoyed it , and now that i am adult i am really sad about it. I really wish again and again that i shouldnt, it wrecked my psychology, myself, i feel broken, i feel bad, i feel ashamed, i disgust myself and i have to live with it without ever talking to someone to reasure me that now i am different which in fact is 100% the truth, i deserve a second shot, i feel awful with myself and that i shouldn’t ever exist tho many times. And now in the university i flirt a lot with the women. I live a normal life now, and i try for the best. Hopefuly that dark thouhgts beling in the past now, but i am afraid that some time i will tell it while i am drunk, that i will hurt the people that i love, i have emotions too. When i was younger i had in lots of occcations a form of s***** abuse and this fucked me up alot (few times in total), but the worst was that i was negleted by my parents, my parents were abusive towards each other and authorities did a s***, it was so fucked up. I Became isolated for lots of years until university, where i started to express my self try to be a better myself, or at least trying of. Until quarantine where the first semester was full of depression barely trying to reach for anyone, the second one was the quarantine and really hitted me hard because up until then i had really not any opportunities to learn my sexuallity, to understand myself . People want blood want “justice” and in the name of it they are willing to be as bad as i was, or more . I was really needed help and still am, i feel remorse i feel bad, desperate, i want to scream and re-do my wrongdoings re-wire my brain. What really gives me hope is that i am normal after all that i am not really inclined into it any more !!!!!!!!!!!