I masturbated and I used mind projection indicating to women where I work and otherwise that I'm a sissy boy who likes women to give me strap on dildos up

4 years

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I masturbated and I used mind projection indicating to women where I work and otherwise that I’m a sissy boy who likes women to give me s******* dildos up my b******* while I wear women’s clothing and g-string p****** and while I engage in homosexual activities while women watch I made s******* submissive facial expressions and noises and I used profanity

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Well into my twenties and even sometimes in front of girlfriends my mom would occasionally randomly tickle my b*** when she walked by, we always thought it was funny, just a boy mom thing I guess

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I’m plagued with thoughts of r*** and homocide and I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t think I can. It feels me with immense guilt, especially when the person that I’m looking at, thinking of, doesn’t even know what kind of sick and terrible things I want to do to them. It’s sick. And unfortunately those thoughts have been worsening lately. They’ve gotten so extreme that I’m afraid I’m going to give in to them soon.