My mother sat on my bed and it was a long talk. She said that she was not aure how we could get past this but she wanted us to be close and comfortable again. She told me sbe was going to level with me on some things and to just listen. She told me that she had been a frequent masturbator even before puberty even as a young girl. That the reason she had been so proactive and controlling when my m*********** problem became so out of control that she had initially used prolonged moderate spanking to try to get me under control with it because that was what had been done to her and it had worked. That it had seemed impossible to help me conquer my urges when she realized I was grinding ny erection in her lap as she spanked me. She told me that her few days with her older sister had been a traumatic flashback to those days when she was young because since she and her sister shared a bedroom her sister had been partly in charge of spanking her when she was caught with her hand between her legs. Then she told me that I needed to brace myself and stood and turned her back to me and slid her robe off her shoulders to below her b*** cheeks and I saw the severe bruising on her cheeks. She tols me that her sister had been very harsh because no mother should be engaging in m*********** with her son. That her spankings when younger had not been so severe and she had never been able to force herself to spank me so harshly. That as she matured she realized that her parents and sister had been trying to help her but she had immaturely processed her spankings with anger and resentment and it had only worked very grudgingly for her. She told me that not long after my father was gone that her loneliness and high libido had eventually pulled her back into her old heavy m*********** habit but that she had managed to hide it from me well until her loneliness and longing for a man had corrupted her control to the point that she had crossed the line with me and begun managing my m*********** addiction in what she had hoped was a less negative way despite the fact that it was crossing a line between mother and son. She ended by telling me that she was torn on what to do over being a loving mother and trying to help me stop my behaviors from resurging but also it was difficult for her because she had similar emotions and desired toward me as I did her. That it was exhilirating to be looked at with such emotion and desire again after long and that neither of us likely had the willpower to be able to behave appropriately. She said she wanted her loving devoted son back but she also already missed having me as a loving safe comfortable surrogate partner and lover to the degree that she was able to let herself share that with me. That she wished she could take back what she had blurted out in the shower in the heat of the moment that had triggered me to violate her rules because her rules were the only thing keeping us sane and from going beyond mutual m***********.

I sat and thought for a while. Then I asked her if she felt she could trust me again. She said she realized that she could trust me and that me kissing her and forcing her hand to my erection in the shower was done out of love and desire for her to be able to m********* successfully. I asked her to wait for a moment while I left the room and i came back with an ice pack and a hairbrush. I offered her the hairbrush then dropped my pants and lay on my stomach with the ice pack under my groin face down. I looked over my shoulder at her and told her I trusted her to do what she felt was best for me and to the degree she felt was right in her heart. A tear came from her eye and she asked me to please lay with my face buried in my arms then she sat cross legged at my hip and began.