4 years
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Wow.
The first time in ages I like a guy around my age. He’s two years older than me (decent considering most of my crushes are adults nowadays), sweet personality, cute – and although not much, we actually talk!
But guess what?
According to two of my friends – he’s a r***** and is no afraid to ask random people to s*** him off! Aaaaaaand he put his hands on a lesbian who obviously didn’t want it.
Now, here’s the twist;
I don’t f****** care. I should, but I don’t. I would if it was someone else though. If it was my friend he was r***** I’d beat the s*** out of him without a second thought! But I’d be completely fine with him making me do s***** s*** for him. I’m a virgin (kinda) but I’d be completely fine with him treating me like a toy as long as he’s not with someone else at the time.
Does that make any sense?
I feel like s***. I’m still gonna ask him out though and act completely oblivious to this so if he isn’t actually like this I don’t make s*** weird.
He’s suspended for a couple of days though for vandalism so whatever he wanted to ‘show me’ tomorrow will have to be postponed.
I feel like s*** for this. But is this really the worst thing I could do?

New Confession

i injected ketamine into my right deltoid and realized i had no water to drink. by the time i was in the kitchen i was dissociated as hell trying to remind myself im a person in a kitchen trying to get ice cubes and filtered water into my tumbler

it hit much much harder than it did when i tried it in my vastus lateralis. i injected nearly 80mg which is over 1mg/kg for me. im still feeling it a little. apparently the comedown is longer than IV but way less than IN. its 3am now and i have some powder and some sterile solution left in the vial to inject into my vein. ive been trying to get the out of body ketamine experience during my trips but still havent gotten there during my last few for a while now even with needles involved. i was a little closer tonight though, without overwhelming my system or anesthetizing myself

i usually take it once every few months or so. i take medication with a needle every week so im used to them but not used to plunging the bigger thicker ones down deep into my muscle like that. the painful pressure feeling is hard to get used to. and the deep ache that lingers for a few days. i got a little sweaty and lightheaded seeing and feeling an inch of stainless steel sink into my body. there’s that animal instinct part of me that doesn’t want to shove metal into myself and cringes at what im doing but another part too that finds fascination in the sensation and resistance to the needle in the different layers of tissue.

i’ve found it fun and interesting to experiment with all the ways of administering this drug and learning more about my body along the way. exactly where the arteries run down my arms or where major nerves might be hiding.

i dont really have something to finish this off with. it was fun, painful, and interesting. the comedown for IM seems to be 2-3 hours long so far. i stayed up very late to do this. i may augment with nitrous next time.

-108

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