My name is E. I’m admitting my guilt to wanting to end my life. I admit to lying to my mother and siblings countless times that I feel better.
For almost a year now, I’ve been writing suicide notes, researching painless deaths, thinking of how to make my death seem as an accident and what not. I cannot hold this heavy burden by myself any longer, I’m afraid to die, but I’m so much more afraid of living.

I admit that, spending time away from my family in a mental ward did not help.
I’m admitting that I still suffer to this day and continue to lie about my well-being.
I really wish I was better than this.

Lately, I’ve been picking up the worst habits. I’ve been drinking and smoking again, though it doesn’t help me in the long run, it eases the pain that I suffer from. I can’t seem the control my emotions either, I’ve gotten so angry for no absolute reason. But, that’s life.

I suppose I just wanted to tell someone/something. Thanks.