i love you, and there are so many things that I want to say to you to make you understand that you are perfect, and so strong and I admire you in so many ways because you are just amazing and you always pull me up on things and you are so honest about your feelings and you shouldn’t be ashamed or feel guilty about it because the only reason you could ever be a burden to someone by telling them how you feel is if they are not willing to listen and understand and if they aren’t then they are f****** cockheads. And her boyfriend, I so want to call him out. I’m sorry that I didn’t voice my opinions before and I really hope that I didn’t sound deFensive on that call because I want you to blame me. I want you to say what the f***? Why did you abandon me? Why didn’t you call as much? Why weren’t you there when I needed you until I approached you? I should have been there. And I should have pointed out straight away when I thought that you weren’t doing so good. I’m sorry that I have been distant and I’m sorry that I have not talked to you about this earlier because to tell you the truth I have had a feeling that you felt that way about a lot of those things for a while and I have just been too stupid and cowardly to call myself and others out for being so selfish. I know you have a lot on your plate literally all of the time. If even one of those things happened to me i think I would be out of school for a week from stress. Idon’t know how to put this all into words and I think I still need to say so much more to explain to you how much I care about you and how much you are so wrong to blame yourself so quickly about these things. We need to hang out more. And I don’t just say that because of the phone call we had and what you said and I really hope that you don’t think that because it isn’t true at all. Sometimes I feel like you live in a completely different world to me because there is so much more that you understand about the world that I don’t and you have so much more emotional and life experience and sometimes I think that you just need to slow down and live in the moment a bit more without taking drugs or drinking or smoking. Because I think that you have been doing a lot of that lately. I hope that you are able to start being able to take a second and just enjoy the moment a bit more without worrying about so many other things. Anyways I already said this like twice but I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you. And f*** all of those stupid cunts for making your life hell and f*** me as well for playing a part in that. I think for a while when we weren’t really talking as much I felt like I didn’t really understand you as much as I used to and I couldn’t figure out what this distance between us was. I still don’t really know what it was. Did you feel it too?
