4 years
x
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i lied about suicide attempts to manipulate people into staying. it was before i knew i had bpd but im so ashamed and thats not an excuse. they didnt even stay. i understand why and i dont blame them. i wish them the absolute best.
i have had the intent to commit suicide many times before and only once did i ever actually do something about it and one of the people i wanted to stay actually stopped me. i feel so bad for causing him that trauma. he was in the room and saw me grab the bottle of pills.
i did so many things bc i didnt feel like i was shown any attention or love since i was a gifted kid. my parents didnt need to worry about me bc i always did as i was told but nothing ever was good enough for my mom and my poor dad always worked late so he was exhausted by the time he got home.
i am healing and growing but its hard to stop myself from reverting back to that scared 15 year old who just wanted to feel wanted.

New Confession

I played with my mom’s bod during my high school days she was all broken back then her parents died one after other in the same year after that my dad cheated on her and we left him to live in her parents house there I used to blame her for our situation and me frustrated would always end up arguing with her untill she gets into tears and accepts her defeat that made me felt bad later but the same would happen again after a day or two one after another argument made me felt as a superior male over her in the house that made me felt as a dominant one over a broken submissive female that soon made me want to get her ready for reliving my frustrations or for accepting me as a mating male in bed, as I kept winning such arguments frequently making her in tears surrender, one night i went into her bed late after she got asleep I and crawled under her blanket for the first few times I tried groping her I use to grab her b**bs she woke up scold me as I’m yours “fu**in mother you idiot” and go to the other room this happened alot of times but with every night I played more with her b**bs and then pinching and pulling her ni**les one night I slid my hand into her p*n*ty and rubbed her c*it as she tried getting up I grabbed her with the other are and my legs around hers she tried hard but I kept on moving ahead with what I was doing soon she got so wet she covered her mouth with her hands and started crying I could clearly feel her getting swelled up down there with every passing second more slippery sticky stuff coming out while she was in tears crying with one hand on her mouth and another one trying to pull my hand out but I kept f******** her roughly until I felt her cl*t pumping on my fingers, she cu**ed with shaking org**m. Right after that I left her she got up and went to the other room.

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