4 years
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I have PTSD from years of abuse and manipulation. Sometimes I get really bad episodes that leave me a crumpled mess on the floor. I do take medication and I have a therapist so I’m able to get through most of them just fine. Except about 6 months ago I went through one of the worse episodes I’ve ever had. It was so hard to do anything for myself. I have one friend that has always been there to support me through this, except during the worst of it she completely ignored me for my roommate. I was reliving my worst moments over and over again while she was chasing tail. Wouldn’t have been a big deal if she at least would try and offer some help, but it felt like 9 years of being each other’s ride or die were just thrown out the window.

It ended up working out, I was institutionalized and put on different meds that seem to work better. She didn’t work out with my roommate, so now I get both of my friends back, but now the same sort of thing is happening to her.

I hate seeing her upset but at the same time, I can’t help but feel a little schadenfreude. And the guilt of feeling this way is eating me alive. Ever since I’ve noticed it, I’ve been pushing her away. I feel like I can’t even help it. I can’t even trust her like I used to, and that doesn’t seem fair at all to her. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t want to end up hurting her either.

New Confession

I played with my mom’s bod during my high school days she was all broken back then her parents died one after other in the same year after that my dad cheated on her and we left him to live in her parents house there I used to blame her for our situation and me frustrated would always end up arguing with her untill she gets into tears and accepts her defeat that made me felt bad later but the same would happen again after a day or two one after another argument made me felt as a superior male over her in the house that made me felt as a dominant one over a broken submissive female that soon made me want to get her ready for reliving my frustrations or for accepting me as a mating male in bed, as I kept winning such arguments frequently making her in tears surrender, one night i went into her bed late after she got asleep I and crawled under her blanket for the first few times I tried groping her I use to grab her b**bs she woke up scold me as I’m yours “fu**in mother you idiot” and go to the other room this happened alot of times but with every night I played more with her b**bs and then pinching and pulling her ni**les one night I slid my hand into her p*n*ty and rubbed her c*it as she tried getting up I grabbed her with the other are and my legs around hers she tried hard but I kept on moving ahead with what I was doing soon she got so wet she covered her mouth with her hands and started crying I could clearly feel her getting swelled up down there with every passing second more slippery sticky stuff coming out while she was in tears crying with one hand on her mouth and another one trying to pull my hand out but I kept f******** her roughly until I felt her cl*t pumping on my fingers, she cu**ed with shaking org**m. Right after that I left her she got up and went to the other room.

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