I made another post on here last year, but another guilt came out not long after that made me feel like absolute shit. At 17, I google searched "child

4 years

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I made another post on here last year, but another guilt came out not long after that made me feel like absolute s***. At 17, I google searched “child p–n” in incognito and was on the tab for about 30 or so seconds before closing out of it. I didn’t see any kids doing the diddle but I still feel like s*** years later. I don’t like kids like that, I never had and never will. I was just curious what would pop up, and despite nothing bad coming out of it I still feel like it’ll come back and bite me in the a**. I want people to know my mistakes and that I’ve learned from it but I fear people will cancel me. I have a decent following on a couple of writing websites and don’t want them to all leave and boycott my stories cause of this while calling me a p***. I swear I’ve changed, I just think everyone else won’t think I have… Please, I’m not a bad person, just someone who made a s*** decision out of sheer stupidity…

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I am 41 and married. For the past several months, I have been having innocent lunches with a younger guy who calls on our company. Last month after lunch he said he needed to stop at his motel to pick up some packages he needed to mail. It was hot so he offered to leave the car running or I can go in and watch TV while he prepared the packages so I went in with him.. Once he finished the packages he turned and casually kissed me, but it quickly became very passionate and we ended up on the bed. I told him I didn’t want to do anything, but he ran his hand up my skirt quickly finding what he was interested in. I told him again I didn’t want to do anything but after another passionate kiss and what he was doing he embraced me saying it didn’t feel like I wasn’t interested in doing anything I told him that wasn’t it but that I couldn’t because I wasn’t on birth control and my husband had had a vasectomy and I didn’t want to take a chance of getting pregnant but by that time he had gotten me extremely aroused so I told him if he used a condom I would. When he said he didn’t have one I asked him why he would get me in that condition and not be prepared. All it took for him to convince me to have unprotected s** was to say he would buy me a morning after pill This s** was incredible with me having a massive o***** when I felt him c****** inside me. After that then stopping to get the Plan B making up the excuse for why I was an hour late getting back to work from lunch wasn’t very convincing so I took a lot of ribbing from the other girls in the office. Then a week later when my period was due it didn’t come. I figured the pill had messed up my cycle but after another week I took a pregnancy test and despite taking the Plan B, I had gotten pregnant I haven’t told him yet but I’m going to need his help in getting an abortion to save my marriage.