there's this boy that I have known my whole entire life, and have been friends since I can remember. there's always been this certain attraction between

4 years

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there’s this boy that I have known my whole entire life, and have been friends since I can remember. there’s always been this certain attraction between us – and I’ve always ignored, not wanting to ruin what we have. he’s had a girlfriend for a year now, and I know that he loves her very much
but on nights like last, when the lights had turned into stars and each word spoken felt so exotic, I want nothing more than for him to be mine
and I feel selfish for feeling like that
but I know he feels it too. I know that even when he’s with his girl he is thinking of me. it sounds so self obsessed thinking it, writing it, even now. But I know it’s true.
The way he looks at me, holds me. the way he talks to me. the lust seeps out of his body.
I’m the one to turn him down every single time. I wouldn’t allow him to cheat, I couldn’t be someone to break up something else, but it also means that I cant give in, and i cant make a move – as it would make me in the wrong.
it all sounds so silly saying it out loud
but last night, when his arms slid around my waist and he whispered things in my ear – I wanted nothing more than to stay in that moment forever. to move my face centimetres and connect with his lips- uniting us.

I cant do it. I can’t be the one to break him and his girl up

but I want nothing more

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I am 41 and married. For the past several months, I have been having innocent lunches with a younger guy who calls on our company. Last month after lunch he said he needed to stop at his motel to pick up some packages he needed to mail. It was hot so he offered to leave the car running or I can go in and watch TV while he prepared the packages so I went in with him.. Once he finished the packages he turned and casually kissed me, but it quickly became very passionate and we ended up on the bed. I told him I didn’t want to do anything, but he ran his hand up my skirt quickly finding what he was interested in. I told him again I didn’t want to do anything but after another passionate kiss and what he was doing he embraced me saying it didn’t feel like I wasn’t interested in doing anything I told him that wasn’t it but that I couldn’t because I wasn’t on birth control and my husband had had a vasectomy and I didn’t want to take a chance of getting pregnant but by that time he had gotten me extremely aroused so I told him if he used a condom I would. When he said he didn’t have one I asked him why he would get me in that condition and not be prepared. All it took for him to convince me to have unprotected s** was to say he would buy me a morning after pill This s** was incredible with me having a massive o***** when I felt him c****** inside me. After that then stopping to get the Plan B making up the excuse for why I was an hour late getting back to work from lunch wasn’t very convincing so I took a lot of ribbing from the other girls in the office. Then a week later when my period was due it didn’t come. I figured the pill had messed up my cycle but after another week I took a pregnancy test and despite taking the Plan B, I had gotten pregnant I haven’t told him yet but I’m going to need his help in getting an abortion to save my marriage.