I don't like my paternal grandmother. I don't hate her, she's not horrible enough for that, but she just... drains me. She gets really fucking

5 years

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I don’t like my paternal grandmother. I don’t hate her, she’s not horrible enough for that, but she just… drains me. She gets really f****** guilt-trippy whenever I can’t pretend to be a neurotypical extrovert who loves talking. I don’t even know if she realizes how much it hurts to have to constantly preform in front of her to keep her satisfied.

I try talking about this with my parents, but they also guilt me for my feelings because “she’s 91, she’s not going to change.”

I… part of me hopes she dies soon so I don’t have to continue to spend half of my holidays completely run down and at the brink of a mental breakdown.

Sometimes I feel like the only reason I don’t want her to die is because I’d have to attend her funeral, and my dad would notice that I don’t seem to miss her as much as he wants me to. He’s already insecure that I like my mom’s mom more, and mom wants me to reassure him that it’s not true, but it literally is.

I literally do like mom’s mom more, because I can actually be myself around her.

I know it’s not her fault. It’s my fault for being broken and defective. If I wasn’t defective, I wouldn’t have to work so hard around her to pretend I’m not.

Sometimes, I feel like I want to kill myself after interacting with her for a long time, because I just feel so tired and so guilty for being tired.

New Confession

I live in a two story house. The house beside is a one story rental. A young couple moved in. She is gorgeous. I see her in tiny nighties and mas turbate.

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Last year I had se.x with my friends girlfriend. They broke up not long ago, but not because of that. He still doesn’t know what we did. I’m not going to lie, the first time we did it I lasted about 30 seconds before I eja.culated inside her. She’s just so fu.c.king beautiful, it was like my di.ck wanted to fill her with sp.erm before she had a chance to change her mind. After the first time I was able to go two more rounds and last much longer. I even made her c.um a couple of times. She spent the night in my bed and we had s.ex again in the morning. Yes, I feel fu.cking guilty about it, but I didn’t think their relationship would last anyway (I was right) and we just have a natural chemistry. I hope she doesn’t tell him out of spite. Believe it or not, I really like my friend and I want to stick with him. Thank you for giving me a chance to get this off my chest.