5 years
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Charlie, I know I was a consistent failure in the boyfriend/partner department. I know that.

I also know that, to my shame, you’re better off without me. I have no doubt you’re happier already in the 3-and-a-half weeks since we’ve spoken then you were at any time we tried to be together. And that’s my fault.

Abysmal, callow shitheel that I am, I can still recognize that you are the most incredible human being I’ve ever met. In no particular order, you are:

Amazing baker, supremely talented artist, gorgeous femme with a beautiful face and a s*** body, killer sense of humor, great taste in movies and TV, fun to be with…

And I fucked it all up because I couldn’t see past myself enough to let go of the past and appreciate what I held in my arms.

Oh, Charlie. I’m close to tears just typing this, even though I know you’ll probably never see it.

I can’t help it. It’s selfish and awful and painful for both of us, but god dammit, kid, I need you in my life.
Romantically, I know I haven’t been there for you. Bring me back into your life as a friend – nothing more than casual friendship – and I’ll still be happier than I am now. I can’t possibly be any sadder than I am. I can’t possibly hate myself more than I do now.

Charlie Tom. The erstwhile Mr. Tanuki. Ugly Meat. Kiddo. Kitten. Whatever you’re calling yourself right now.

Your tattoos and your blue hair and your sweet brown eyes and your dulcet voice…My life feels worse than empty without you. I am in pain every single day. I cry every single night. I literally cannot help it. I know you won’t care, even if you do see these words. Worse, I know I deserve this pain and your scorn.

I’m begging. I will do anything – ANYTHING – to be part of your life again. Please. Please forgive me, Charlie.

I’m so sorry. I’m not going to insult you by asking you to love me again, but if you can forgive me, please reach out. Text, email, IG, even a carrier pigeon will do.

You know how to get in touch with me.
You know who this is.

New Confession

Dad helped me get the floor and one wall built on my tree house using planks that were cracked or broken in the alleyway and coral when I was six. Over the next 5 years my year younger sister, occasionally Dad and I had built and rebuilt a 10′ x 16′ floor on 2 trees and a 8′ x 10′ tree fort with bricks from an old chimney and fire place from a burned down cabin. The walls were only 7′ tall on the front and 5′ on the back. The third year we had the fireplace half built when Dad came by on a tractor. He climbed up to see what we were doing and took it apart. He redid it with red bricks on the floor using mortar building a complete wall and fireplace. He didn’t make it to the field that day and part of the next, Sissy was siting on him a lot and I saw his hand on her crotch a few times. Dad didn’t help vey much with the walls and 2 windows but helped with the roof the next year. I was 10 with the coolest tree fort my friend ever saw. Every fire we lit in the fireplace smoked us out. The last year dad worked on it I was 11, he put glass doors on the fireplace , built a set of bunk beds and installed a real door. Sissy and Dad worked on it without me several times when I wasn’t at home. When we decided to name it and my a sign Sissy insisted it was named after her so Dad made a sign Sissy’s Hideaway. When I got off the school Bus I saw smoke coming from the chimney, I knew Sissy had stayed home sick. I ran to the Treehouse to see what she was doing. The Tractor was parked on the road, She was naked with Dad. I could see the way she was straddled on top half of his C0ck was half way inside her. I watched till Dad pulled out shoot c um on her back, then sneaked back down to the house. Mom came home from her part time job at our small town IGA 2 hours later but Dad and Sissy beat her home by 20 minutes. My sister was stocky and a little chubby so I did a few accidental backhand b*** feels and she seemed to like it. I went for an under shirt full B*** feel when we had got up before mom to watch cartoons, she looked at me curiously then smiled. Within a couple weeks of feeling b**** I put my hand inside her p******, she stopped me when I tried to put my finger in her cr ack but left my hand where it was at. It took another month before she let me work fingers inside her but it was that day we went to the Tree Fort and she took my Virginity a few days after my 12th birthday. We(Dad and Sissy some times too) used the Tree House Till she got the boyfriend she’ still married to a year before I went into he Army. When Dad died me and Sissy went up in the Treehouse, lit a fire and cleaned it up well enough to spend the night in a single sleeping bag.

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