5 years
x
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Charlie.
The truth is, I might have once been deserving of your love. Your patience. Your inimitable, strange brand of affection.

My world is gray now, without the blue of your hair and the brown of your eyes.

Hot-tempered baker. Creepy artist of the highest degree.
Angel of s** and monster movies and cigarette smoke and zero-sugar soda.

I miss you. I’ll always miss you. I’m sorry.
Your forgiveness would mean the world to me, but I know I don’t deserve it. I deserve to live in the dank world of s*** and shame that I’ve built for myself by failing to make you my priority.

Oh, Charlie. I know you hate me, kiddo. And I don’t blame you one bit. I could never think any less of you. The only boy I ever loved.

You used to call me baobei. You used to call me daddy. I’d give anything, do anything, to have you call me anything at all now. I miss your voice, even raised in anger. I miss the way your eyes would widen…you remember what I mean.

Charlie. The erstwhile Mr. Tanuki. Calling yourself ugly meat doesn’t change anything for me. I miss you. I’ll always miss you. I think I’ll always love you.

Forgive me, Charlie.

New Confession

Dad helped me get the floor and one wall built on my tree house using planks that were cracked or broken in the alleyway and coral when I was six. Over the next 5 years my year younger sister, occasionally Dad and I had built and rebuilt a 10′ x 16′ floor on 2 trees and a 8′ x 10′ tree fort with bricks from an old chimney and fire place from a burned down cabin. The walls were only 7′ tall on the front and 5′ on the back. The third year we had the fireplace half built when Dad came by on a tractor. He climbed up to see what we were doing and took it apart. He redid it with red bricks on the floor using mortar building a complete wall and fireplace. He didn’t make it to the field that day and part of the next, Sissy was siting on him a lot and I saw his hand on her crotch a few times. Dad didn’t help vey much with the walls and 2 windows but helped with the roof the next year. I was 10 with the coolest tree fort my friend ever saw. Every fire we lit in the fireplace smoked us out. The last year dad worked on it I was 11, he put glass doors on the fireplace , built a set of bunk beds and installed a real door. Sissy and Dad worked on it without me several times when I wasn’t at home. When we decided to name it and my a sign Sissy insisted it was named after her so Dad made a sign Sissy’s Hideaway. When I got off the school Bus I saw smoke coming from the chimney, I knew Sissy had stayed home sick. I ran to the Treehouse to see what she was doing. The Tractor was parked on the road, She was naked with Dad. I could see the way she was straddled on top half of his C0ck was half way inside her. I watched till Dad pulled out shoot c um on her back, then sneaked back down to the house. Mom came home from her part time job at our small town IGA 2 hours later but Dad and Sissy beat her home by 20 minutes. My sister was stocky and a little chubby so I did a few accidental backhand b*** feels and she seemed to like it. I went for an under shirt full B*** feel when we had got up before mom to watch cartoons, she looked at me curiously then smiled. Within a couple weeks of feeling b**** I put my hand inside her p******, she stopped me when I tried to put my finger in her cr ack but left my hand where it was at. It took another month before she let me work fingers inside her but it was that day we went to the Tree Fort and she took my Virginity a few days after my 12th birthday. We(Dad and Sissy some times too) used the Tree House Till she got the boyfriend she’ still married to a year before I went into he Army. When Dad died me and Sissy went up in the Treehouse, lit a fire and cleaned it up well enough to spend the night in a single sleeping bag.

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