If only I had been more patient, empathetic, kind. Yeah, maybe if the timing wasn’t wrong. Maybe we could have had something great. But that’s not the world we live in. I was impulsive, and cruel, and selfish, and I perpetuated a cycle of fear and torment. I will remember what happened until the day I die, as a reminder of mistakes to never repat. If only I had been stronger, wiser. If only we had been a little bit older. But what use are if onlys, almosts, and should have beens? It’s just excuses, just conjecture. Truly a waste of energy. I must focus on pursing achievable goals instead of setting myself up for failure and heartach time and time again. The truth is, I have sinned, and I will not shirk this burden, but wear it like a badge of honor. One day I will look back and see how close to ruin I came, and perhaps on that day, it won’t all seem so heavy to bear. I think it’s the time of year.Summer turning to autumn always fills me with wist and melancholy.
