Did something horrible with someone I really shouldn't have. It's not what I did its who it was. Like I will be so ashamed if anyone finds out. I have to

5 years

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Did something horrible with someone I really shouldn’t have. It’s not what I did its who it was. Like I will be so ashamed if anyone finds out. I have to trust he will not say anything he promised and I will lie and lie before I tell the truth. Seeing him again may be weird at first but I think I we can get over it. Things could have been worse so I keep telling my self that. I think time will make it go away but I know it will not completely go away. I’m just trying to make this a life lesson and move on from it. I was beating my self up pretty bad the day after but it seems as more time goes on and the more busy with life stuff I can forget.

It’s only when I find down time or a quiet moment to my self do I start to over think and replying it in my head. Or I’ll be going about my day and thing are fine and everything I did comes back and I have to talk my self down and move on with my day.
That’s the hard part trying to move on and forget.
I fucked up I know I did I’m still so mad at myself but I’m human and I know I’m not the only person in the world to do something so bad and out of character that it haunts them for days. It’s only been days and I’m scared it will go on to weeks and months and years. I can only hope I can move on and act like it never happened even though it very much did.

I almost thought my life was too easy I forgot what fear, stress and anxiety felt like,of course I’m the one that fucked it all up for myself. I’ll never be the same. I even look different in the mirror to myself.
Some how writhing this out makes me feel a little better and maybe with time things will get better but for now I must have my suffering. I must eat it and let it hurt from the inside out all while I have a smile on my face and the mark of the w**** on my back. -v

New Confession

Today I wake up it’s day three since my capture. Been held in this basement for today the third day with no sign of when I’ll be released. My name is Jake I’m 20 years old. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I was nabbed from a store round. This person seems to have no soul or compassion. He brought me here and has held me for three days completely naked.
This place looks like it was set up to hold people for periods of time. He has a fetish with preteen children, he befriends them, grooms them and trains them to aid in his bidding. They show up randomly in couples or small groups and as many ae twelve at a time.
He is a control freak and forces me to say whatever he wants me to say. Apparently he’s recording what he is doing to hopefully maintain my silence of what he’s done. I may seem rational to you but it’s because I’m writing from past history. But then, at the moment, I was so f****** scared I would do absolutely anything to get out of there. I finally got out by convincing him that I agreed with everything he was doing. He literally forced me to j******* in front of those kids until I came and I was to yell out how I liked that he forced me to because I was scared of him. He was turned on by the way the kids laughed at me. And that he caused it. I heard a boy say to another something about how many they’ve seen be a coward like that before. My people I’m warning you be aware this can happen to anybody, this nut isn’t racist nor judge mental. Everyone or anyone is fair game I’ve heard of different people and different states. Don’t walk alone men between 20 – 50.

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