I can’t believe the person I used to be. I wanted to be a good person so badly that I faked it. I made up so many lies and I’m horrified and disgusted

5 years

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I can’t believe the person I used to be. I wanted to be a good person so badly that I faked it. I made up so many lies and I’m horrified and disgusted that I did it. It went on for so long..way too long. I felt like I needed to keep people’s attention with drama or they wouldn’t love me. Now I have to live with this albatross of guilt every day and I deserve to. I stopped lying 5 years ago but it will always haunt me. I can’t believe I did it. I deserve to be exposed but I don’t think I can live if I am. But that’s the coward in me talking. If I am exposed then I deserve to live with the crushing shame.
I was so used to being manipulated and abused by my family that lying became an escape. I imagined whole worlds where I could be angelic and good and people would want to rescue me. Unbelievably selfish. There is no excuse, no matter what my childhood was like. I would do anything to take it all back. The people in my life don’t and never have deserved it..all the b.s. I put them through. It’s disgusting of me. I don’t know why it took me so long to see how wrong it was..I was addicted to being a fantasy of a person. The real me isn’t so great. I get angry and I have secret desires and I am not the pure and innocent thing I wish I was. I will spend every day of the rest of my life trying to be truly good.

New Confession

Want to hear about some demented people?
The Police and Guards of Oshawa and some others would and still do hit things and try to extort Ausint Eady into “Behaving” and doing what they wanted/want him to. Theydid so for years becuase he made some notes for women that said it was fine for him to (Whatever sense that makes along wiht the rest of their actions)

They know they diagnosis of schizoprhenia for beliving that police guards and neighbours + other randoms were/are doing things to bother him makes it not count really and is totally fake since there’s no paranoia in things actually happening.
He can sue the christ out fo them for what thye do but he chooses not to for some reason.

Ohyeah and their main method of botheirng now is some fake a** like throat clear / cough

Now what sounds more demented and schizophrenic and like they have an actual condition to you, me or the police, guards and randoms that shoudl be doing mroe with their lives isntead of trying to affect mine?

They’re the ones somehwo seeing things in nothing and seem to be hearing things.

It’s wonder any of these pieces of s*** have jobs

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