hey guys it’s me again
i’ve lost myself.
i don’t f****** know what to do with myself anymore
i have to pretend i’m so many different peoples ideals of perfect
i’m not perfect
i smoke
i drink
i cut
i take my anger out on my perfect f****** boyfriend
i’m so lost
if you had told me a year ago i’d be like this i would’ve laughed in you face
but the reality is i am like this
some fucked up attention seeking w**** with daddy issues and a nic addiction
why
why do i get this
i don’t want this
i want to be happy and go out and not be this fat version of the happy skinny girl i knew a year ago
she was the true me
and ive lost her
ive lost her smile and her happy eyes
ive lost her connection with mum
ive lost the way dad loved her
ive lost it all
and the one thing i have left
my keyler
i’m gonna lose
i’m gonna lose my bond with my brother
i’m gonna lose my friends
and i’m so deeply in love
but i’m so toxic
i’m jealous and angry and aggressive
he doesn’t deserve this
he deserves better
i can’t give him that
i can’t give him what he deserves.

– :)(: