In 1996 I dug up a person’s bones from a graveyard and kept some under my bed, next to my p*** magazines for about 3 years. The grave was 300-500 years old and unmarked, I was probably the only person who knew there was a body there. I reburied the bones as close to their grave as I could remember.

Judging by the worn-down teeth, the deceased was over 50 years old. I’m so sorry, whoever you were, I wish I could go back in time and tell my 17-year-old self to leave you where you were. You deserved to rest in peace and I abused you in an undignified way.