Last night I ended up relapsing and I ended up cutting myself again. Some factors leading up to this are the recent death of my distant father in a car crash 2 months earlier (I’m barely recovering), mood swings, self-hatred, e.t.c. A few days earlier I scratched my arms and hit myself as other forms of self-harm. I wanted to use something that would leave more lasting marks, so I found one of my razors for shaving and took the blades out of them. After that, I began to start cutting, but I made sure that they were small and not deep enough to leave noticeable marks. I feel guilty because this isn’t the first time I’ve cut before- 3 years ago I cut for the first time, and no one has noticed them since then. It isn’t like anyone could’ve noticed since the older scars are barely noticeable unless you look closely. Around the first time I started cutting, me and my stepfather ended up getting into an argument (it wasn’t actually an argument, it was more of him screaming at me). He heard that I had desires to kill myself, and he told me that I was too much of a ‘p****’ to actually go through with it, and I should just ‘do it’. Even today, those words still stick with me.