I believe my most toxic trait is covertly conditioning loved ones to my impending death, most especially because I know I am very likely to die by

6 years

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I believe my most toxic trait is covertly conditioning loved ones to my impending death, most especially because I know I am very likely to die by suicide. I do not care to be shy about my suicidal nature, but I also do not care to be saved. I can’t stand the attention, so it’s difficult to be frank about it. In my mind, it makes more sense to slowly build a tolerance to the topic with people as our relationships evolve. Once I establish that this topic is not taboo with them, then I have prepped the waters for more honest comments of my own, which are always alarming. No one wishes to hear the way someone they love talks to themselves in their darkest hours, but I have much darkness, and I don’t care to hide it. It consumes me whole many times. Naturally, this creates big reactions from those who care for me, which creates a big reaction in me, and I have to work over periods of years to mitigate these feelings I can’t handle, years within which people grow to love me for one reason or another. I do not spend this time working on myself, though, nor on conditioning myself. It takes a lot of precise, intentional conditioning to convince someone away from their guttural instinct to want to protect you from your own self as someone they love, but people will go to drastic measures for someone they love without consent if they think you’re nutty enough. The last thing I want is someone to get in my way. I just want to die in f****** peace. At least give me that. If this manipulative behavior was to spare them pain when I finally do it, it wouldn’t be so bad. At least it would be rooted in love, right? But it’s to spare my own self pain while I openly plan it right in front of their eyes. It’s to keep my guilt at bay. For this reason, I know myself to be selfish. I bring love into their lives with full intentions of breaking their hearts. I am not ashamed of my suicidal tendencies. I am ashamed of the way I manipulate people I love in very complex ways over the premeditated course of several years for my own benefit. I always say that honesty and integrity are the key to my personal existence, and it’s because I lack both honesty and integrity where it matters most that this behavior perpetuates. I am not a person I could love.

New Confession

I was 14 for my first television show and on the side stage before going on camera one day the producer’s son that was 8 years old came up to me dragged up a chair and started hugging me and kissing me for righteously and started massaging my d*** and continued until it ejaculated and then he put my hand on his d*** which was very hard and then moved my hand up and down and I gave him a throbbing o***** as well we continue that for the rest of our lives and moved to Italy when he was 14 and got married I’m 20 years later we would not have it any other way but the point of this message is he chose that at 8 years old and it’s not regretted a moment of it and neither have I when we spent the night together he enjoyed f****** me and became one of the smartest people in his class…… He would spend the night with me on a night before filming and then later I stayed in his suite at his home and he began f****** me at 9 years old and had the most beautiful sounds of ecstasy his mother would come in and say you boys don’t stay up too late now as his d*** was throbbing in me….. After we were together about 6 months he had two other brothers and he said could we help them have o***** so he let them f****** as they had no one to give them o*****…… They were so incredibly beautiful …. Robbie showed them how to f****** from the rear and how to lubricate the p**** and they watched until they completed o***** and then the next one took his turn while the other two stood by with hard dicks throbbing even though they had just completed f****** me they both kissed my heart throbbing d*** as they went back to their own rooms Robbie took care of my d*** after they left and drank everything and became a part of me later with his first e********** as he was f****** me I became a part of him through The years our passion and love for each other have never stopped that is why I cannot identify with the control people want to have over what boys do with their d*** and who they can give it to and what they can do with it it’s a part of who they are it helps them become who they are meant to be

Related Confessions

When Harry was in prison. I went with some coworkers for a birthday party at a local restaurant. One to many beers later. Feeling along and wanted some excitement. I hooked up with one of their customers. I didn’t take him home he didn’t take me home. We done the deed on an air mattress in the back of his Ford explorer. Hey I’m 42 and not 17. I will say this guy had a very nice Bratwurst. That completely overfilled Harry’s under used playground equipment. The event ended somewhere around 2 am with a knock on the back window. When one of my besties was wanting to leave because she was driving. I then kissed his Bratwurst goodnight.