I think I'm addicted to porn and I'm not entirely sure how to stop. I first watched porn ever when I was only 8 years old. I started to regularly watch it

7 years

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I think I’m addicted to p*** and I’m not entirely sure how to stop.
I first watched p*** ever when I was only 8 years old. I started to regularly watch it when I was 10. And now that I’m 19, I spend hours of my limited time searching the web for more to watch. Even when I’m not h**** or trying to be. I used to have an app on my phone that would tell me how much time i spend on all my apps (as to discourage myself, like a “hey look at how much time youre wasting” type thing) and everything else was fairly normal, but I would spend a bare minimum of 3 hours a day just. Watching p***.
It s harder for me to actually get aroused now (doesnt help that I have depression), so I always end up watching more and more videos, each getting progressively weirder/less socially acceptable (if there IS any social acceptable p***)
A while back, I got another app that blocks adult websites, an app that is locked by a password. The first time around, I turned off the app almost immediately, the second time around I made a new password and closed my eyes so I wouldnt know it and couldn’t unlock it again. I stayed away from p*** for maybe a week but then i just ended up deleting the app all together.
I feel like it rules my life. It got so bad that at one point it hurt to m********* because I was doing it so many times in a day. I kind of want to tell my therapist, but also I would rather eat glass than admit this to anyone I know.
Also im a girl btw. Everytime i google to seek some sort of help, I always get articles saying “quit p*** because it gives you erectile dysfunction” but i dont have a d*** so 💁💁 I think thats another reason why I hesitate to get help, people kind of assume p*** addiction doesn’t happen to girls amd when it does, its seen as hot or s*** (which i can guarantee is neither lol. Nothings hot about a fat chick jerking it to some weird s***)

New Confession

I confessed to him on a rainy day when I was fourteen. I told him I love him. What he did after, made me regret confessing my feelings to him. He didn’t give me an answer right away because I had left the room blushing, embarrassed, my heart was pounding in my chest. Then when I came back to the room, he asked me if it’s okay for him to take some time to give me an answer. What I expected from him was he’d say he loves me back in an instant or even chase after me when I left the room, I shouldn’t have had expectations. I waited three days, nervous about why he was taking so long but didn’t say anything because I was ready to sacrifice anything for him, I was so anxious that I felt nauseous, nauseous after thinking what will I do if he rejects me, how will I ever look him in the eyes, I was afraid. Three days passed and he answered that, he loves me too, which made me slightly better but made me ponder why he had to take so long to answer if he was certain that he loved me?
I love him from my childhood because we grew up together, but in different city and village, he’s in the village while I’m in the city, still we could meet once or twice a year in vacation. I guess visiting him or seeing him once or twice a year was enough for him because he cheated on me a year later. But for me, it was a great achievement that we could talk, spend time together, I would miss him all the time, would yearn for him because there was no way for us to communicate but to meet face to face but we were too far away to do it. Maybe it’s the fault of the distance. Maybe it’s me who is faulty.
Now all I know is, he’s my first love and my greatest regret.
Although I doubt I’ll ever unlove him.

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