i have such guilt about from when i was 16 and getting drunk with my cousin(not blood, her mother was adopted) who was just over a year older.

I purposely made it seem like i was drunker than i was so she would loosen up, also while talking about previous hookups we both had and sliding positive comments about her and as she got drunker, and started wishing she hadn’t broken up with her boyfriend before coming up for the summer because she was really h****, whom she said i remind her of, my d*** started firming up, in part to us talking, and in part to her feet being laid across my legs like we innocently used to just relax.

well unknown to us, she had been rubbing my c*** subconsciously while fantasizing about guys back home and one she was talking to on AIM. before i could move her foot, she moved towards me grabbed my hand and shoved it down her pants just letting my finger graze her c***, getting the tips of my finger in her before my other hand started to lower her shorts, lost in the moment… she pulled my hand out and put her head back frustrated as she came to her senses a bit, i went to taste her from my fingers, but she grabbed my arm, and placed her other hand over my rock hard c*** tented in my shorts, before she grabbed it through the leg hole, gave a few slow pumps, took me in her mouth for 20 seconds or so then again stopped, as we went to the couch.

i pressed her against the couch, hand back in her p******, playing with her c*** for 5 minutes but could have been only seconds, my other hand pinching her n*****(she mentioned earlier during our s** discussion she liked her t*** played with hard and pinched tightly) before she said the five words through quiet labored breath, that would drive my s** drive for years to come…do you have a condom?

F***, no i did not….why would i?? this was not planned at all…at least to this extent!

the look in my face answered her question..but i was still finger deep and pumping her, frustrated beyond belief..

i double down and get her to climax before i grazed lower to her a******, but she promptly reminded me that we don’t have condoms, let alone any lube.

after that she went to her room without saying another word, i jerked off on the couch and we both fell asleep.

nothing was ever mentioned about it, nothing was weird between us, and the rest of the summer went as normal…she hooked up with some of my friends the next summer she came back, but i had never felt the need to try again, nor did she indicate she wanted too either.

my biggest regret and guilt is not having a reserve condom on me that day. but also, it may be a relief as well.. since who knows what would have happened after we fucked.