My English s**** so bear with me I’m not good at creating or arranging stories so please bear with me.. I dunno if some people could see this but this happened to me awhile ago, I can’t help but feel nothing but sadness and guilt for not following my sibling’s asking of doing a chore just because I was in a game and that game went to a really long match and I tried my best to really finish it quickly, as the match ended my sibling went out to angry ramp on everything (by slamming doors, angrily fixing the stuff I was supposed to do, etc) and I went out of my room after the match ended to the bathroom and hoped she wasn’t angry or anything, but they were. As they were in the other room, I tried to hang the clothes that were wet in the bucket but they snatched it out of my hand and angrily hanged the clothes whilst I stupidly cover the wet bucket of clothes hoping they would stop and let me repay my mistake, but no. She pushed me to the side and I think she scratched me, it’s really visible so I tried my best to not let her see, she shouted at me while saying “I will do it, I’ll do this, you go to your room and play that game, you have a game right???” And I told her that the match ended and she didn’t say anything except saying the same line again, it pissed me off but I didn’t say anything or she might slap me like she did in the past or something, (I really am a failure) I went to the dining area of my home to drink water to cope myself to not cry but I looked at the utensil box and saw a knife, it was a plastic so it’s fine, and I grabbed the knife to scratch the wound that my sibling scratched on my arm, I heard her footsteps and I quickly hid the knife and just drank water and she said “What are you doing????” And just left it pissed me off and made me have these weird thoughts that made me want to go grab the box cutter in my bag and hoped to cut myself but I didn’t in the end and just put a band aid on top of the place I almost cutted. I’m now here having flashbacks on how stupid I am in the past few years, I feel hopeless now, I almost killed myself by using a kitchen scissor when I realized I put force on top of my stomach area and now I’m here almost crying in my room I really want to kill my self but my mother would be sad but I think she didn’t love me so I tried to cope, I haven’t went out of the house except for my other 3 siblings I haven’t seen anything outside except going to school, my friends were the only ones that make me happy, I’m sad that my ex doesn’t want me anymore, I really want to commit self harm or instead suicide but I’m the youngest child but I don’t care I’m sad nonstop for 2 years I can’t cope I can’t cope I can’t cope I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry
