• 2 weeks ago
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I’m not sure why I work this way. I honestly try my best to try and stop this habit. I’m always wanting to get attention. Right now there’s this group chat I’m in and I was acting all jokingly and got kicked out and added many times in. This made me feel sick as when someone says no to me or doesn’t answer the way I want them too. I just can’t stop this! All the tears boil inside me as I know I should stop this but it’s like there’s a demon inside me… it just won’t stop controlling me! Please help me, I don’t want to live this way anymore. The group chat forgot about me, that’s not unusual for anyone to do to me. Half my life I was introverted so it’s no surprise that I’m ignored or scare people all of the sudden as even me being next to them scares everyone. I want to try and stop this bad energy from getting to me, but how can I? I want to get attention once I dug myself out of that hole I went in. Why do I even love attention so much? I can’t stop it though, I’m always seen as the cheerful one but when I’m alone I just stop. I’m left there with my thoughts and my brain just instantly tries to crush itself into depression. When I go down to a certain percentage of damage, I just go back all the way up like a drug. I can’t stand this life as I also believe to sadly be superior than anyone I know. Why do I even live like this? I don’t want to. Please excuse me, I just feel like when I’m here I’m just trying to get more attention. This isn’t normal, I’m out to go look for what I have.

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