7 years
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4 years ago, I abandoned my cats.
Three of them were 7 months old and two were like two months old, all kittens of our first cat.
One of my family members was in the hospital and keeping so many cats in our small house was dangerous for their health. We kept searching for people to adopt the kittens, but I can’t admit to myself that we tried enough…
We ended up abandoning them in a park far from our house, and couldn’t find them anymore after that…
I still don’t believe I’m forgiven… I can never get over this…

And a year after that… their mom, my first cat, was out one night… She used to go out of the house all the time and our window was always open so she could come back.
At night I heard a cat cry… but thought it was just two other cats fighting as it was always the case… The next morning I woke up to find my cat beaten dead…
I still can’t think of that scene without tearing apart…
It was all my fault… I should have gone out… even if it was late… I should have gotten worried… I should have protected my cat… The vet said we couldn’t have saved her even if we had found her that night… But this doesn’t mean I couldn’t have tried…
I can never get over these… I can never forgive myself for that and I don’t know if the universe, if God, if the cats will forgive me for that…

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