I've had murderous thoughts many times in my life. In extreme moments of anger, I come up with the most disgusting and brutal ways to kill people I

7 years

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I’ve had murderous thoughts many times in my life. In extreme moments of anger, I come up with the most disgusting and brutal ways to kill people I resent. I can imagine it so realistically that I feel that I could have committed a murder if I hadn’t thought straight.
Every time I think about it, I feel terrified of myself and guilty for momentously taking pleasure in such bloody thoughts.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.