I miss my boyfriend so much, he lives four hours away during the school year and nine hours away over the summer. I love him so much, but I've been

7 years

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I miss my boyfriend so much, he lives four hours away during the school year and nine hours away over the summer. I love him so much, but I’ve been scrolling through dating apps because I feel lonely. I’d never message anyone, much less meet up with them, but I get something out of matching with guys. I’d never cheat, never ever, I just like the feeling of being wanted. I can’t get that from him because he’s so far away, and I’m not going to see him for at least a couple more months. The thought of breaking up with him makes me panic. That is not an option. But I don’t know what to do.

New Confession

I’ve lost my Ego, self respect and dignity. I have nothing own nothing, am nothing but worthy of whatever the bully wishes from me. And what that means is that my life is to be exposed, exhibited. Be degraded daily by my bully so he can get off on his thrills of humiliating me in front of however many or little amount of kids happen to show up. The crowds apparently seem to get bigger as the days go by. My humiliation is becoming acceptance as routine is becoming comfortability. These pre adult children are masters at performing to show angst between disgust and desire. Which adds to the shame. Of what’s being done to me.

Related Confessions

I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.