I happen to be gay, I happen to work for social services, I happen to be poor. I have always fallen for the same girl, always the same way, hard at first and then it slows down to a trickle, like sisters. In the seventh grade, in the ninth grade, in the twelfth grade, in my junior year of college and now with my girlfriend I met through a friend. Always pretty, clean cut, Penny from the Big Band type of girl, always assertive enough but deep down inside a sub like me, pleaser, needing to show she is loved, until we become sisters, best friends but we can’t make love anymore.
My longest relationship is with a man, a man who I met at my first job out of college when I worked as an intern. He is my constant, he takes care of me, looks after me, he is my big brother, father, man who looks after me. He helps me with my rent if I run out of money, he fixes my car, he buys me clothes, he half supports me and looks the other way when I have a girlfriend. He fucks me and lately he wants to f*** me a whole a lot. I am not even twenty two anymore, I am thirty three but he wants to f*** me a whole lot. He just turned fifty five.
My girlfriend is not wanting to be understanding but I won’t say no to him, if he wants me to stay with him I will. I don’t think she should have to share, but its in my DNA, he wants me and I want to please him so bad, I will do anything for him to be proud of me and be close to him. I want her to be with me to be part of my life but she has to understand that I have this man in my life, I am gay and I am in love with her but I have this man in my life and I have to be with him too.
And, the truth is that no matter how or what making love with her is not the same, its always about cuddling tight and kissing and touching, but no f****** and I want to be fucked by him. She doesn’t understand.
