I'm so fucking unattractive, unintelligent and uninspired! Why can't I just die? I bring no value to my family or to myself, I just constantly burden them

7 years

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I’m so f****** unattractive, unintelligent and uninspired! Why can’t I just die? I bring no value to my family or to myself, I just constantly burden them with my problems. I’ve tried cutting my skin, tearing it, scratching it. I can’t tear out this creature that crawls and creeps within me because I’m the creature. Two times, two f****** times I’ve tried to kill myself but I always pussied out. Well for the last year, I’ve been gathering the courage to do it again and I’m ready to do this s***. I’m always wrong, I’m always left abandoned. When I’m dead, no one will remember me. They’ll forget me in six months. I’ve tried to help myself and others have exhausted their resources trying to help too. It’s hopeless and worthless!

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Tbh, I don’t know why peenis isn’t spelled this way. I mean it has two functions, right? Curious girl.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.