I met this guy’s a few months back at a mutual friends birthday party. (W’ell call him S). We texted back an forth and even sexted for about a month or two before he asked me to be his girlfriend. He was already talking about having threesomes, he tried to do a*** on me even though he knew that was the one thing I didn’t want to do and wasn’t ready for, and a bunch of other crazy stuff and talking to me about the girls that he used to like and how if he wasn’t with me he’d be trying to hit up some other chick and then proceed to show me all these girls and what they looked like. He’d also tell me often that I should get plastic surgery on my b**** even though he knew I was insecure about that. I was starting to not feel good enough. Anywho, he talked about these things for the majority of our relationship, but 4 days after our 1st full month together I cheated on him with someone I had a class with at my local community college.(We’ll call this one E). I never talked to E. But I started to shortly after my birthday while I was with S. I was harmless at first. Until we hung out. Like I mentioned before it was 4 days after my one month with S. It was winter break, my mom was out of town and E was coming over. This was my first time actually talking to him in person but it was so natural and not awkward at all. We talked for a bit and then we hung out in the hot tub. It started to really lightly snow a bit which felt really nice with the heat of the hot tub. We laughed, talked, flirted a bit and caught snowflakes on our tongues. We went back to my apartment, talked and laughed some more and then to sum it up we ended up making out for a long time doing 360s on the carpet. 3 days after that (New Year’s) I lost my virginity to my boyfriend S. He stayed the night, but it didn’t feel special. He cuddled me but only for a bit, felt like he was doing it out of obligation. When E held me close it was as if he never wanted to let go. I couldn’t believe I was comparing my boyfriend to some guy that I barely knew but somehow felt more connected to. I cried that night.
Fast forward about 3 days after that and E and I hang out again. I picked him up in my moms car, and we came to my apartment, talked, smoked weed, laughed a lot, had a pillow fight, and the next thing I know he’s carrying me to my room. I cheated on S again with the same guy… we lay on the bed, laugh some more about dumb s***, and then proceed to have a 5.5-6 hour foreplay session. It was the hottest night of my life and for that night I forgot my boyfriend even existed. Then we had s** for what felt like an eternity of just wet filled pleasure. He would tell me how beautiful and s*** I was, while he was gentle but still s***** with me. He gave me my first o*****. Anyways, I fell asleep on him, before he woke me up saying “Hey beautiful, wake up, sorry but I’ve got to go home. Do you want to me to let you sleep longer?” I took him home and that was that.
At this point I didn’t really think much about E. But me and my boyfriend S were having s** at least once a week. We just couldn’t stop. There were a lot of things that he did that made me happy but whenever we’d have s** he’d always want to finish in my mouth. And I don’t mind giving blowjobs, but not ALL THE TIME. And plus he tasted disgusting so that didn’t help either. Sometimes even if I didn’t want to I would. But one time I blatantly said no and he forced it into my mouth and pushed my head down so far on it I thought I might actually throw up. I didn’t throw up but I started to tear up and he told me I “deserved it.” I wanted to break up with him right there. But for some reason I didn’t.
My mom found out about S and me in early March the same day I had snuck out to hang out with E. (But later in the day). She wanted to kick me out but she didn’t. She grounded me from seeing S. We would still talk on Instagram but that was the extent of our contact. Fast forward to the end of March, (officially together 4 months) I set up a meeting between my mom, S and I to talk because S want to take me to prom. My mom sets her terms but is otherwise okay with it. S and I leave the restaurant. Then no more than 25 minutes later he stops by and breaks up with me. I cried for like two hours, went on a walk with my mom, mom left, I stayed home and got drunk, had my girlfriend come over and take care of my dumbass, then a few days later I hang out with E again. We talked a lot about life and random stuff, hung out by the shore line of the river, drove around and then ended up f****** in the backseat of his car. He also fingered me and ate me out, which was great. He has a way of making it feel like it’s about me and not just about him. Later that night (like 3 or 4 am.) He fingers me again while I s*** his d***. I’m pretty good at it so I made him c** pretty quickly and he tasted SO much better than S. I mean WAY better. I’ve been missing out man. Anyways we talked some more and that was that.
I feel the lowest I’ve ever felt in my entire life. Regardless if S made me feel like s*** or not, I should never have cheated on him. No one deserves that. I should’ve communicated my concerns with him or just broken up with him. E is still my fwb and honestly, even though I feel more connected to him than I ever did with S, I’d like to keep it that way.
This girl isn’t ready for a real relationship. The next one I get into, I want to be in love with them so I know I’ll never be this stupid again. But I know that won’t happen for a long time, but at least I have something to look forward to. In the meantime, I’m having fun and being stupid like the immmature teenager I am.. (I’m 17).