I have a secret life from my husband that I feel very guilty about. I secretly torture myself while he's at work. Over the years it has become more

7 years

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I have a secret life from my husband that I feel very guilty about. I secretly torture myself while he’s at work. Over the years it has become more intense. I force myself to do things to myself.

It started with m*********** and spanking myself. Then I started to use a brush to spank myself with and it took on a life of its own from there.

What prompted me to write this is that it is reaching new levels that I never dreamed of when I started. I’m having fantasies of doing things that might even boarder on unhealthy.

I can’t see a shrink or it would raise red flags with him. How can I stop?

New Confession

Tbh, I don’t know why peenis isn’t spelled this way. I mean it has two functions, right? Curious girl.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.