Oh man I feel disgusted with myself. I’ve had these terrible urges all my life but i didn’t think it would compel me to do what I did yesterday. I was out getting high with some friends and then when I came home I felt like I needed to m*********. However, instead of just stimulated myself like I usually do, I felt like I needed to f*** myself with something. I couldn’t find anything small yet big enough to fit in me. The closest thing that seemed to look like it would work effectively was a foot tall mother Mary statue. It got worse after I came all over it. I’m feeling a lot of self conflict.
