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a guilt
7 years
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287 Views

I really don’t like beautiful people, I know I’m jealous but I just hate how easy they get everything. Literally they can get money for doing hardly anything and get more choice in everything. You could say that’s it’s not true, or that confidence and hard work is what gets you farther, but if beautiful people do the same thing your still lesser right? I know it’s bitter, thats why its a guilt. But tbh I feel less sympathy for natural beautiful people and tend to judge them too much.

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I need to cry so badly but I cant. There is so much bad in my life this year. The tears just wont come though. I think I’m too damaged to cry. too numb.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.

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