I am married to the most wonderful man. He puts me on a pedestal. And yet I endanger this wonderful relationship because I like to have degrading sex. I

7 years

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I am married to the most wonderful man. He puts me on a pedestal. And yet I endanger this wonderful relationship because I like to have degrading s**. I will go out to a dance club and get picked up. Then go out to the parking lot and have the guy bend me over the hood of the car and f*** me right there in the parking lot.
I wish I could stop before I lose my husband. But I love doing it so much. I makes me feel cheap.

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I need to cry so badly but I cant. There is so much bad in my life this year. The tears just wont come though. I think I’m too damaged to cry. too numb.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.