Why is Columbine soo appealing? Like I dont wanna kill anybody, but theres something about the pure nihilistic attitude and rage that lead to the massacre

7 years

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Why is Columbine soo appealing? Like I dont wanna kill anybody, but theres something about the pure nihilistic attitude and rage that lead to the massacre that I can relate to. The feeling of having no hope and just wanting to end it all and get revenge somehow, that feeling is very familiar. I have no hope for life, I have dreams but I will end up as another slave to my boss and will never amount to what I wanna be. Sometimes I do wanna just blow my head off but then i smoke a cig and listen to some music and forget. I hate what Eric and Dylan did and I feel for the victims and their family but I think I can almost understand why they did this. Call me crazy if you want.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.