I am a minor, a boy. I write it again because I've worded myself wrong the last time. For past weeks I’ve had an actual pedophile go after me, groom me,

7 years

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I am a minor, a boy.
I write it again because I’ve worded myself wrong the last time.

For past weeks I’ve had an actual p******** go after me, groom me, talk very explicitly about r***** me. He threatened to hurt me and my friends and overall made me feel scared and trapped. He claimed to know my address and threatened to go to my house and r*** me.

It was gross and scary. I hated every second of it. It caused me nightmares and suicidal thoughts.

Thanks to my friends he can no longer talk to me but at the same time I wish he did.

Lately I’ve been having wet dreams about him doing explicit things to me.
Despite the fact that I hate him and am scared of him, a part of me wants to message him, have him own me, take care of me. Despite threatening me if I don’t cooperate, he did say things that made me feel loved and cared for. I have an urge to talk to him, sext perhaps, send him my photos and maybe even nudes if that’s what he wants.
I keep having those s***** thoughts and dreams about him against my own will.

I know it’s wrong and that he’s a bad person. But I can’t help feeling the way I do. I can’t help but crave having him do all those things to me and own me.
I feel disgusting.

New Confession

You know that day you told me how you thought you were in love with me? That you were anxiously waiting to tell me how you feel? Well, I was feeling that way too. I’ve been feeling like that this entire time. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you in the moment. I didn’t know how to process it. I still don’t. But you make me feel so incredibly different. It’s uncomfortable, uncanny and here to stay. You make me want to be a better person in the hopes that we make something beautiful.

But what’s really holding me back isn’t my fear of intimacy. Or the fact that I’m completely avoidant. What holds me back from embracing this newfound love is her. I look just like her. My middle name is hers. We have the same interests, the same smile, the same everything. I understand you’ve known me longer than her, and that you liked me before you even met her, but I don’t know. I’m scared that you only like me now because you see her in me.

I appreciate the rekindling of our friendship, it means so much to me as it does to you. But I’m afraid of these feelings we have for each other. I really do like you. I would go as far as to say I love you. But I’m scared that you only love me because of her.

I’ll say what I would like to say to you here.

Being around you is such a privilege in my life. I understand that you think you’re indebted to me, but honestly, it’s the other way around. You’ve shown me that I’m capable of a love that I don’t want to run from. You are so generous, and hilarious, and incredibly handsome. To rekindle with you has been such a rollercoaster, and I never want to get off. I just hope that you like me for me, and not who you see in me. I really really like you. It’s making me freak out. I don’t know what to do with these feelings. I’d like a life with you.

But naturally, I can’t bring myself to say this to you face to face. Even if you wear your heart on your sleeve.

I like you so much. I’m sorry I’m scared.

Related Confessions

I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.