So about a year ago I (19m) used to stay at my best friends (16m) house. His family was alright with me. We were practically brother’s that hung out literally 24/7. I stayed in his room on the floor and he would be in his bed. So one night I got “worked up” and it seemed like he was asleep so I got to work and soon to behold he wasn’t asleep and he started working on himself. We finished and that was it. Didn’t acknowledge otherwise in the morning. Thing is the next night he began working himself with me completely awake. I didn’t mind just turned away but I soon got working as well. This secret hush hush taboo kept on for a few nights. We both became a bit awkward though because I stupidly began to move on to working without clothes and he didn’t seem to like that so I stopped the first time. But the next night hr literally was completely clotheless and just turn off the night lamp we used to see one another so I took that as I could join him without clothes as well . In actuality it wasn’t like that. He got uncomfortable again. But I wanted him to be so I moved further and started touchig him to show it was okay but that only made things worse. I go addicted to it though. So for the next few nights I would touch him some nights he might have been asleep. We grew apart a bit after this he never admits that it is the reason but I feel like that this is why. I just I miss him and care for him but feel like he hates me so just distance myself. Even though I want to talk to him about it but I he didn’t know about the nights where he was asleep I’d only make things worse than they are I feel. I just don’t know what to do. Should I talk to him to see if we can be friends again or just leave it be even though I’m literally so depressed. I apologize fo this being so long.
