I've been in an almost 11 year relationship on and off with the father of my kids. He can't hold jobs. He also isn't an amazing stay at home dad. He loves

7 years

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I’ve been in an almost 11 year relationship on and off with the father of my kids. He can’t hold jobs. He also isn’t an amazing stay at home dad. He loves the kids and can be parental, but I make the money, keep track of and pay the bills, get the kids ready in the morning and before bed, and keep track of everyone’s schedules. I have had a few nervous breakdowns over the years, a couple of suicide attempts. I’ve been in and out of hospitalization and therapy. I’ve been medicated. I’ve come a long way as a mother and in my professional life. But I’m not sure I love my boyfriend of eleven years/father of my children anymore. He is my best friend and I can’t imagine life without him, but he pulls me back and causes a lot of detriment to my mental health. I feel guilty staying with him and guilty leaving and afraid I can’t. I also find myself falling in love with a co-worker and I’m not sure if it’s real or if I’m just looking for a reason to leave.

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I’d give up everything just to see you one more time.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.