I don't need friends. The only reason I have friends is because my 1 friend was pushy & really wanted to hang out with me (idk why) and due to my

7 years

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I don’t need friends. The only reason I have friends is because my 1 friend was pushy & really wanted to hang out with me (idk why) and due to my autism & awkwardness I couldn’t find the words to politely decline her invitations, so here I am- years after high school- still friends with the same 2 people. I feel bad because I know they value my friendship more than I value theirs. Before I ever learned to like them, I first had to get used to them, & even now I mostly tolerate them. I don’t hate them. I care about them. I have nothing bad to say about them. I just hate forcing myself to be sociable. I am very solitary. I don’t require social interaction the way most people do. If they just up & stopped hanging out with me it wouldn’t even bother me. I would feel free. I know it would hurt their feelings if they knew that was true. But at the same time, I’m mad at my 1st “pushy” friend because she’s the one who forced the friendship. And I’m mad at myself for not knowing how to get away from her in the first place. I wish they had found someone who truly wanted friends, instead of me who finds friendship tiresome, frustrating, & unfulfilling. I am not a good friend.

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