I have a rape kink. Every time I want to read a smutty fanfiction I go to the rape/non-con section and read as much fanfics as I can, often putting myself

8 years

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I have a r*** kink. Every time I want to read a smutty fanfiction I go to the r***/non-con section and read as much fanfics as I can, often putting myself in the place of the one getting raped. When I m*********, every single time I try to look up for r*** videos, I can search for minutes until I find the right one. I just can’t help myself. It’s really a deep fantasy of mine.

I know how traumatizing getting raped can be, all the dangers with it and the chance of getting pregnant, but it’s exciting to me, getting absolutely dominated by a man with no feelings between us, only driven by the need to f*** someone. I want to be torn apart, used only as a tool for pleasure, as messed up as that sounds.

I’m 14, in 8th grade, when school ends I often take a long and unsafe path to get back home, sometimes even wondering off and about in the cold, testing my luck. I want to experience getting raped and I feel guilty because of it. I feel like a freak.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.