There’s a man in my head who tells me to murder and to rape. He tells me to kill myself, that I don’t deserve to live because of these thoughts. And I

8 years

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There’s a man in my head who tells me to murder and to r***. He tells me to kill myself, that I don’t deserve to live because of these thoughts. And I want to listen to him, I want to die so nobody else has to, but I also want to peel the skin from my friends as they’re chained to a wall, I want to take s***** power over people while they cry in fear. I’m a monster and I should be killed as one. I want to push away everyone around me so I won’t hurt them, but I can’t do that because I love them all and can’t stand being without them. Idk if I’m gonna live a long life, and I don’t want to. Morally speaking, I don’t think people like me should be allowed to live.

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Cuba is next, a messed up country in a nice neighborhood. Blue water, nice hotels on the horizon.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.