Nearly 30 years ago I lost my fiance to a very tragic accident. I have been married now for over 20 years. About a year ago I started working with a man

8 years

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Nearly 30 years ago I lost my fiance to a very tragic accident. I have been married now for over 20 years. About a year ago I started working with a man half my age. When I first saw him I was immediately attracted to him but not s******* and after a few days I noticed that he looked similar to my deceased fiance. Now a year later, for what ever reason, I have this crush on him. It’s almost like his eyes are looking into my soul at times. Embarrassing but sort of nice, I would suppose, since I haven’t had these emotional feelings for a very long time. In the past month or so we have given each other hugs as a hello sort of thing with him making the first move at the start but now it’s more mutual. We have sent texts to each other but they mostly had to do with work. He flirted with me (grabbing something from my hand but messed around with my fingers while doing that more than one instance, now I have a hard time looking at him square in the face). It’s cool but it’s not. I like how I feel inside when he’s around. I get nervous when I know I am about to see him yet can’t wait TO see him. He brightens my day, puts a smile on my face and really, REALLY just makes me feel good about myself. I have not seen him outside of work but know that he is mostly reserved and doesn’t initiate conversations let alone go around hugging everyone. Personally I never did feel ‘aroused’ around him until he flirted. The guilt comes to play because I want to tell him exactly how I feel but out of embarrassment to myself and himself I can’t.

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Cuba is next, a messed up country in a nice neighborhood. Blue water, nice hotels on the horizon.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.