i love you. and although you may take that in the friendly way as you always do, i don’t. and it truly hurts me deeply to think that ill only ever be a friend to you. i hate you but, at the same time, i don’t.

i hate you for your constant flirting and your beautiful looks, amazing laugh, smile, voice. i hate it all. yet i love it too. i want to meet you and hang out with you but i also want to distance myself away from you so that i don’t slip up and make you feel disgust again with my love towards you. why does this hurt so? i only want a friend. why must you be so goddamn attractive and pull me in. why must i fall so deeply?

i wish to confess but you will never consider it. you never truly loved me, did you? you just said that for pity. and only let me make a fool out of myself-like a cat chasing a mouse. or maybe sometimes i am the mouse and you are the cat, trying to grab me and pull me towards your lies.

i will get up from your grasp only to fall, even deeper than before. when will this cycle end?