Recently it has become clear that being teased and bullied my entire life for being a very small-framed male has had a deep, lasting impact on me. I believe that constantly being referred to as a sissy or f***** has me finally thinking of myself as in those terms.

Lately I’ve been having very vivid dreams of dressing up in s*** womens clothing. My slender legs and embassingly small feet are always clean shaven, something that is not that far from my daily reality. I wear a scant, strappy garment that makes my flat chest appear to have cute, perky little breasts. My fingernails and toenails are painted a bright red, sometimes hot pink. There’s always a male figure watching me, although I never actually see him. He instructs me as to how to go about moving in a more feminine, seductive manner which makes me feel incredibly s*** and more appealing than I’ve ever felt in real life. I’m usually fixated on watching my painted toes wriggle about on the cold, tile floor as he’s constantly remindeding me to stand high on them. Eventually I feel a single finger tip tracing my embarrassingly small p****. This makes me so painfully hard and begin leaking precum into my silken p******. That’s where I typically wake up, my p**** so hard and demanding that I can’t go back to sleep. Eventually I have no choice but to roll onto my side, tuck it between my legs and bring myself to o***** between my thighs but being careful not to wake my wife. I love her but these feelings are making my life more and more confusing. I’m beginning to feel it’s impossible for these two divergent identities to coexist.

Help me! I’m so conflicted!