My sister and I are about 10 months apart. We were raised in a good home. We were good straight B students. No abuse at home. Church was just on holidays,

8 years

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My sister and I are about 10 months apart. We were raised in a good home. We were good straight B students. No abuse at home. Church was just on holidays, our parents weren’t very religious. Our parents are still together. We both graduated from a local 4 year college. We are two of 4 kids. Nothing out of the ordinary sticks out in our upbringing that I can think of. I’m married and have two kids now and she is engaged to a great guy.
Things appear to be great for us except it is not. When she and I were about 13 years old, we experimented by touching each other “down there”. I came almost immediately, she she did too a few seconds later. We knew it was wrong and vowed to never do it again. That is, until we did it again. And, again we promised each other not to do it again. We were strong for about a month. The third time we said both said to each other just one last time. Except, this time it lead to more than touch with just hands. We kissed each other down there. The more we tried to stop, the more we ended up doing until one day we had i**********. We were both freaked out after. We felt abhorrent with ourselves. We blamed ourselves and tried to be supportive of each other. The more we tried to stop, the more we did. It was like being addicted to a drug. We convinced ourselves if her were in a relationship we lose interest in each other.
We tried to wait it out until one of us was seeing someone, and that helped a little. By the time we were 16 we both were in a relationship, and she and I thought it was all behind us. We didn’t even talk about it. It was in the past, and we were going to leave it there. Things were good, things were normal.
But, one day we were home alone, and it happened again. We tried to tell ourselves that it was just a bump in the road, and we’d go back to being normal. We so desperately want to be normal.
Over the years, no matter how much we have tried to control ourselves we end up doing it 4 or 5 times a year. Even if we are with other people, it still happens.
It appears to be a compulsion that neither one of has control over. It is a terrible affliction that we cannot seem to shake.

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