I don’t miss my abuser. I miss being abused. I miss having someone to trash me. I miss having someone that enabled all my very worst habits. They gave me a razor and told me how to cut myself properly. Ive recently began Starving myself and it’s been very effective. She used to make fun of me for being heavier than her. Now, I think I’m thinner than her, and I want to let her know. The most fucked up thing is that part of me wants to hook her on self starvation too, so it fucks her up like it did to me, and our relationship can be a breeding ground for hate and revenge. I need that outlet. But she hates me and decided she wants nothing to do with me, and I feel horrible because I want to crawl back to her. I want her to burn in hell, and I want her to give me drugs and bad advice. I really miss the abuse. Does that make me a bad person or is this “normal?” (As normal as abuse gets)
