Please, help me. I don’t know what to think anymore.
I’ve been in long distance relationship for 2 years now. I’m really happy and we love each other, we also see each other at least once in two months. The only problem is that I sometimes need to be s******* satisfied.
I never cheated on him in real life, but there was multiple times I went on s** chats, talked dirty with men, sent them my pics (without face tho). I have some fantasies that I don’t want to try in real life, but it’s great to talk about them. I also struggled with my self-esteem on looks, so I love when now men tell me that I’m gorgeous and s*** and how they would f*** me.
I tell myself that it’s not cheating, that I’m not doing anything wrong… they don’t even know who I am, where I live. I tell myself that it’s normal, it’s better to do something like that than just have s** with somebody else than my boyfrind, that I just need that because he’s so far. But I don’t know if that’s true.
I don’t doubt in my love for him. But I feel so f****** dirty. I’m not even scared that he would get to know that, I just feel so guilty for what I’ve done. And I feel even worse when I’m texting with him. Even now, when he texted me “hey whats up, everything all right?” it was so hard for me to answer him back. Because I don’t know if everything is all right.
He’s coming over to my house in few days. I don’t know how I will be able to talk to him, to look him in eyes, kiss him and have s** with him. I promised myself last time that I would never do that again… I feel like a complete s***. The worst part is that he would say that he isn’t mad, that he understands etc… but would that be honest? I don’t even know if I’m worth him anymore.
