I tried cocaine once when I was in high school, before I had any idea what it meant to do something in secret that could ruin my life. I was never caught, but in some ways I wish I had been. It was just the same motivation that caused me to do anything else I wasn’t supposed to be doing, as I’d started to do years prior, at my family’s home. The experiences I had were varied in what I chose to do, but they were numerous. Now I am 26, and have constant guilt over who I am as a person, and wonder why I had this constant desire to do these horrendous things that none of my friends were even doing. I’m working on resolving the problems, but this underlying attitude has blown my life up in my face multiple times, in devastating ways.

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