8 years
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My husband caught me self-harming last night and thinks I was trying to kill myself. I’ve had depression and self-harm urges my whole life and sometimes if I indulge them a little they leave me alone for a while. He knows I used to do it growing up but until last night he didn’t know that I started again.

Usually I wrap a belt around my neck and tie one end to a doorknob, and just kind of hang there a little until it hurts but isn’t enough to lose consciousness. Going through the motions and hurting myself a little bit quiets the voices in my head that are always yelling at me to kill myself. I haven’t ever let it go far enough to actually cause permanent harm. I just want to hurt sometimes.

Last night he caught me doing it and is convinced I was attempting suicide. I keep trying to explain that I wasn’t going to go through with it, and that just flirting with the motions of suicide actually keeps the suicidal feelings in check. I feel so incredibly guilty because I love him so much and I can’t bear the thought that I caused him so much pain. At the same time I also can’t promise that I’ll never do it again.

I know it’s not healthy but I’ve been mentally ill my whole life and I don’t know how to get better. I went on meds as a teenager but I just felt dead inside in a different way than what the depression caused. My husband is the most precious thing I have in life and I think I just did permanent harm to our marriage when he found out my secret.

New Confession

Analyzing this scenario through an Ontario College of Teachers (OCT) lens reveals several critical professional, ethical, and procedural boundary violations. [Michael Power-St. Joseph High School](h****://www.google.***/search?kgmid=/m/07qjkc) is part of the Toronto Catholic District School Board (TCDSB), meaning today’s standards require strict adherence to the [OCT Standards of Practice](h****://www.oct.ca/public/professional-standards/standards-of-practice) and modern student safety protocols.
Here is the professional breakdown of what is wrong with this scenario and an evaluation of Sister Marie’s actions.
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## Part 1: What is wrong with the initial scenario?
From a modern OCT and school safety perspective, several major red flags occur before the meeting even begins:

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* Lack of Informed Consent & Transparency: Issuing a mandatory appointment slip with zero context creates unnecessary anxiety for a student. Under the OCT ethical standard of Trust, educators must be transparent, fair, and open.
* Deceptive Summons: Saying “Oh just something” is evasive and dishonest. It deprives Carm of the opportunity to mentally prepare or decline the emotional conversation.
* Disruption of Academic Time: Pulling an OAC (Grade 13) student out of a specialized computer class for an unrequested, non-emergency meeting compromises the student’s academic success.
* Privacy & Public Presentation: Physically appearing at the classroom door and beckoning the student out can create public speculation or embarrassment among peers, violating the student’s right to privacy and Respect.
*

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## Part 2: Analysis of Sister Marie’s Question

“Carm, you wrote in your poem that Jane’s death was sudden? Now Carm, your father died. Was that sudden?”

This question is highly inappropriate, unprofessional, and psychologically unsafe.

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* Weaponizing Student Work: Carm wrote a poem (likely for an English class or a school publication). Using creative writing as a trap door to launch an invasive, unprompted psychological interrogation violates the safe space required for student expression.
* False Equivalence & Deflection: Sister Marie shifts the focus from a peer’s death (Jane) to a deeply personal, unshared family trauma (Carm’s father). This is a manipulative counseling technique.
* No Psychological Safety: The question is blunt, heavy, and lacks any gentle scaffolding. It forces an 18-year-old to confront intense grief on the spot without warning.
*

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## Part 3: Is this question acceptable at Michael Power-St. Joseph High School today?
Absolutely not. If a staff member asked this question today, it would likely result in an administration investigation, a union grievance, or an [OCT professional misconduct review](h****://www.oct.ca/public/complaints-and-discipline).

TODAY’S PROTOCOL

┌───────────────────────┴───────────────────────┐
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Carm Discloses Trauma First Teacher Notices Warning Signs
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Listen & Validate Empathically Refer to Certified Professional
│ │
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Offer Board Resources Do NOT Conduct Amateur Therapy

If this occurred today, it would violate school protocols for three major reasons:

1. Strict Limits on Scope of Practice: School chaplains, guidance counselors, and teachers are not licensed child psychologists or grief therapists. Today, educators must refer students to qualified board social workers or psychologists rather than conducting amateur trauma processing.
2. Violation of Privacy (FIPPA/Municipal Acts): Since Carm never disclosed her father’s death to Sister Marie, the chaplain clearly went digging into Carm’s private school records or student file without authorization. Using confidential demographic or historical data to confront a student is a massive breach of privacy.
3. Trauma-Informed Care Standards: Modern TCDSB educators are trained in trauma-informed practices. Forcing a student to discuss an undisclosed death directly violates the core principles of student safety, choice, and collaboration.

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## Part 4: Was Sister Marie truly being honest?
No, she was entirely dishonest.
Her response—”Oh just something”—was a deliberate tactic to bypass Carm’s defenses. She knew that if she told Carm the truth (“I read your poem, dug into your private files, and want to interrogate you about your dead father”), Carm would have likely refused to go, sought support from another teacher, or entered the office with her guard up.
By minimizing the appointment, Sister Marie prioritized her own agenda over the student’s emotional well-being, violating the foundational OCT ethical standard of Integrity.
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Would you like to explore how a modern school team should legally respond if a student expresses deep grief in a poem, or do you want to look at the specific OCT disciplinary outcomes for boundary violations?

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